A Crash Course in Parenting, Faith & Grace

When my husband and I first became parents, we were filled with excitement and dreams about the family we hoped to build. Like many new parents, we loved sharing every milestone of our baby’s life with family and friends and imagining all the memories we would create together.

When our oldest daughter was about eight months old, we made a decision that would change our lives forever. We opened our home to foster two young girls who had already spent several years in the foster care system.

Before moving forward, we listened carefully to the advice, warnings, and encouragement from family, friends, and professionals. At that time, my husband did not know the Lord, and I was just beginning to return to my faith. Becoming a mother has a way of shifting your perspective. When little lives depend on you, the future becomes clearer and the responsibility to guide your children becomes more meaningful.

Introducing our children to Jesus became a priority in my life.

Matt and I wanted to give these two girls the same love, opportunities, and stability that our baby girl had. To prepare, we completed additional classes to become a restorative foster home so we could meet the specific needs of our future foster daughters.

If you are a new mom, you understand the many adjustments that come during the first year. Your body is healing, your emotions are shifting, and your baby depends on you day and night.

If you are also a foster mom, you may understand another level of challenges. Sleepless nights, emotional adjustments, and behavioral struggles often come with the trauma foster children have experienced. These changes affect the entire family, and as a mother you carry the responsibility of caring for each child’s unique needs.

That first year of being both a new mom and a foster mom was overwhelming.

Our days were filled with appointments for three little girls, each with different developmental, emotional, behavioral, and health needs. I often felt like I was barely staying afloat between appointments with behavioral therapists, occupational therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, pediatricians, dentists, teachers, social workers, and school IEP meetings.

Early on, Matt and I decided that we would adopt our foster daughters. However, after discovering we were expecting another baby and feeling the weight of overwhelming stress, we eventually closed our foster home once the adoption was finalized.

In just two years, our family grew from one baby to four daughters ranging from newborn to ten years old.

It was truly a crash course for both of us in parenting multiple stages of childhood by the age of thirty.

Parents, if you ever find yourself in a season like this, hold on. It is worth it.

For those who have not experienced such a sudden transition into parenthood, it can be difficult to imagine what that season feels like.

I listened to the advice that had been given to me. I read books about helping children overcome trauma and challenges. We made sure our family stayed connected to church and our faith.

For several years, I stayed home with the girls until our youngest started preschool. After that, both my husband and I worked full time to support our family. We worked hard to provide a comfortable home and create meaningful memories together through family outings, extracurricular activities, birthdays, holidays, and vacations. Our home was often filled with extended family and friends.

We were far from perfect, but we were a family.

What I did not realize during those years was that I had stopped taking care of myself.

I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and silently struggling with depression. I had poured everything into caring for my family and slowly began losing myself in the process.

Looking back now, I can clearly see the warning signs I missed. I felt anxious much of the time. I became easily irritated and carried a constant fear that I was failing as a mother, even though I was trying so hard to create the perfect life for my family.

Like every parent, I made many mistakes along the way.

As the years passed, our older daughters grew up and eventually moved out of our home. Shortly after, they reestablished relationships with their biological parents. Accepting that reality took time. The years we poured into raising them were meant for a season.

When you foster, and sometimes even when you adopt, the future you imagine may not always match the outcome. For children who are old enough to remember their past, there was a family before yours.

Even so, I hold on to the hope that when they look back they will remember the love. I hope they remember the family outings, vacations, birthday parties, holidays, and the everyday moments we shared together.

I pray that those memories outweigh the difficult ones.

I pray the same for our biological daughters.

When our younger girls were still under ten years old, our family moved to Virginia. During that time I began homeschooling them, and something beautiful began to happen. Our relationship with the Lord grew stronger, and we began meeting other families who had experienced many of the same struggles we had faced.

For the first time, I realized that I was not alone.

That realization brought healing to my heart as a mother. God had carried me through those challenging years just as He had carried so many other families.

Through these experiences, I felt God placing a new purpose on my heart. I wanted to help families who were walking through similar challenges. I returned to college and earned two masters degrees, a Master’s in Education and a Master’s in Special Education.

Today I teach in a local public school and continue to receive training in emotional and behavioral support for students and families.

So if you are a parent struggling with teenagers facing difficult challenges, and you feel helpless or defeated, please remember this.

You are not alone.

Give yourself grace. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive those who may have hurt you when you needed support the most.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay standing. Keep walking. Rest when needed.

And do not be afraid to reach out for help. The B.E.A.R. Ministry resource page provides connections to local providers who can help families navigate specific challenges.

Isaiah 40:31 reminds us,

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles; They shall run and not be weary; They shall walk and not faint."

God is a God of healing and restoration. He loves you deeply and invites you to run to Him in every season.

~Juanita Lewis